I’m writing once more:
This thing happens sometimes.
I found a spare time when I can sit down and relax. Like a me-time.
And in that time, something strange happened.
I kept being still and quiet, while world outside moving slowly around me. Laugh and shoutings become an emotionless echoes of silence; faces become empty and colors sucked out.
Red, pink, and blue seen as grey in my eyes; while rainbow only show the colors of shadow.
I retreated from the world and went into my mind.
But where imagination used to roam—where fairies and dragons used to live—had changed into mists and ruins. No, it’s not ruins. Their shape was too dreadful to be called as ruins.
It’s an abstract thing, a monotone matter, that spinning like a whirl of cloud. With no shape. No intention. No color. Nothing.
Then it felt like my body got crushed and my bones were destroyed. Something stabbed my heart so deep, until it reach my heart’s deepest core. The pain that came spread into my nerves—it paralyzed my body and brain.
Then, I close my eyes, and air around me had weight—and I were too weak to feel it.
I couldn’t breath.
***
What’s wrong with me?
I don’t understand. It didn’t have any connection with my problems. Even though I haven’t did it, I’ve found the way to solve them. But, that happens when I’m not thinking any of my problems. It’s always become the time when I feels like strangled. Everything around turned heavy. But I’m not feeling pain—I mean, I do feel the pain like physically, but not emotionally. My skin does; my brain doesn’t.
I fell down silently—but I didn’t realized that I did.
Weird, isn’t it?
What describe that kind of feeling best? Ignorance? Emptiness? Confusion? Depression? Crumbling? Dementia?
I don’t know, friend, I don’t know.
***
But it’s seems relieving if my body destroyed into dust and dissolved with the air.
Poof.
