I never know how it feels like to love a shadow.
You cannot see what shadows really are, you cannot see what their true selves are: You seemed to know them really well. You can see how their shapes are; but those are just their shapes. Their skin. Their appearance. You do not know what hides inside their darkness. When you try to enter their soul, all you can see is black, blindness. You try to dig deeper and deeper; but there is nothing inside except its gloom that hides their true personality.
That is shadow. A blinding dark veil, that hides the light inside from those who seek.
I never know how it feels to love a smoke.
Smoke has a labyrinth inside their minds, with crossing roads, contradictive paths, confusing ways, riddling alleys, and cul-de-sacs everywhere. They shall cover you with mists, then leave you standing alone in the fog, with no help. You try to walk through the grim haze. But smoke is a puzzle with too many missing puzzles; it can not be finished. You will trapped inside the labyrinth—the ashes hurt your eyes and blur your mind, but they keep you walk and walk; though more the steps you take, the more you will get lost inside.
That is smoke. A labyrinth of borderless horizon, that hold people inside their endless riddles.
I never know how it feels to love a mirror.
Mirror can give you a thousand of visions. They will show you the happiness, they will show you the cheer. They will display mirth; they will display joy. Illusions of everything that shall bring you to the highest point of a roller coaster. But those are illusions; those are visions. You cannot hold on to dreams; you cannot live in imaginations. Everytime you try to chase those sightings you will struck an undefeatable wall of glass. You can stare at those fantasies, but you cannot live with it. You can escape to the reflections, but the reflections can escape from you too.
That is mirror. The treasure chest of fantasies, that enchant people to stare at their joyous lies.
And I never know how it feels to love a dust.
Dusts are the most dynamic of things—they always move; they always change; they never stops. With the wind they blow to their own points. It is hard to understand their virtues, to follow their movements, to reach their destinations. But they always want you to follow their sparks. They want you to fly with the pollens. But their goals are vague and fading, while their wishes cannot being questioned. You try to hold them down, you try to make them move slower—but they are dusts. They are unstoppable, they are untouchable. Each time you try to keep them for yourself, they just fly away, far and unreachable.
That is dust. The moving thing, that you cannot bound, but bound you to their movements.
***
But you are those things.
You are a smoke and a mirror. You are a shadow and a dust. Like the four horse rider of apocalypse, you are a unity who bring people to their doom. With your charming incantations, you spell people to be attracted to you. With your undeniable charisma, you force people to like you. With your problematic personality, you enchant people to love you.
With your everything, you made me fall for you.
I love you till the death. And now I am dying.
Everything about you ruin all the rationality and sanity left in my mind. For the first time, I feels like an idiot—I am insane, I am crazed of you—totally. You are the greatest culture shock I ever had in my life, and now my foundations are crumbling. You are the most dangerous virus I ever had, and now you slowly took my soul and my life. I am dying because of you—literally. I want to give you all the things I have in the world, and I would. But the question is, would you? With your shadow and smoke and mirror and dust, you keep me hanging in uncertainity. I am trapped inside these walls of doubt, with the great unknown in my head.
They said, 'the great unknown' is the death itself. I said, 'the great unknown' is you.
I love you till the death.
Why won't you realize this? I would give my all. All I need to know is a bit of certainity. You said, you love me—or, at least, you have an undescribed feeling of affection. Then for the God's sake, show me. I do not wish you to decide this quickly. You know I will always love me, no matter how long I should wait for the big "yes".
I just need a goal. I just need a clearance. I just need to to know, does my battle worth it? Do I am dying for something worth dying for? Or am I a fool victim of love?
I am dying.
I am hanged—but I am not dead. Yet, I do not live. My final destiny is in your hand. If you could, and you would, give your all—then cut this rope; show me a bit of respect and affection; do not be cold. If you could not, and you would not—then pull the knot; leave me here alone, do not come closer, do not play with my feelings.
All I need is sign. Sign. You don't have to decide or declare it this quickly. Because whenever you will made the decision, I will always be able to wait. Because whatever the decision you made, I will always love you.
