So I have been really uninterested in texting lately.
I had realized this for a long time. One day, a friend of mine complained to me, "Why did you never reply my texts?" I was quite stunned when she asked me this, having no idea of what to answer. Mostly because I do not think that to reply is not an obligation; it is my right not to answer. But then, her complain triggered a thinking in my mind. Why did I never reply her texts? It was not merely because my phone was not really in its good shape lately. It has been two years old and since I am not really gadget-friendly, it is an achievement that it haven't been really broken yet. But there is something more.
Contrary to most people, I am totally afraid of being addicted to gadgets. You know this phenomenon called Nomophobia, fear of losing your cellphone. Well, mine is the complete opposite; Nomophobophobia, the fear of fear of losing your cellphone. I created the term one day, when I hanged out with (another) friend of mine and she kept texting, or BBMing, in her cellphone, throughout the time.
That time, I instantly realized that I don't want to be that kind of person, who cannot get off of their cellphone nor gadgets and spend most of their time texting, gaming, chatting, tweeting, or any gadget-connected things. I do not want to always get panicked each time I left my cellphone at home, or urged to checkout my inbox every five minutes; nor feel hurried to reply each text that I receive. I do not want to be addicted to the electronics.
I was not being naive. I dare to say this because I have gone through that phase: I used to be a cellphone addict. I can not get off of my cellphone even just for a while. I ran everytime my phone rang; to pick up a call; to answer a message. I texted everywhere, at anytime! I spend hours in my room to have chat with my friend; and spend thousands for the phone credits. I only was existed physically as my concentration was on my cellphone. I was an enslaved robot: I gave all my life, all my focus for the sake of the replying texts and updating statuses.
And it was not healthy. My mother used to complain of how I spend more time with my 'virtual' friends instead of the 'real' people around me and she was right. Slowly, I retreated from the physical world to live in the imaginary environment of signals and internet. But this world are not real: it is full of shadows and smokes.
Most things that you see in the virtual world are projections of things that its creator wanted to be seen by people. Even the nature of the virtual world are deceit. Isn't this words I typed are truly binary codes of two digits? But the machine inside has faked the ones and zeroes into a, b, c, d, and so on. Things here may seemed to be beautifully unflawed as it has been distorted to suit audience's expectations and desires. That is why in a recent academic study, scientist found that people who spend more time in the internet feels more unsatisfied with their real lives: because they can only see perfections in their virtual environment.
Perfection will consume your heart and with it, our gratitude to life. When we see others posts, which mostly about good parts of their lives nor perfect bullshit from commercials, then compare this to our own imperfect reality, we will feel jealous. "My friend just bought a new laptop; while I still here using PC." "She looks so beauty in that dress; why wasn't I born that pretty?" "He achieve so many things and have a perfect life. But mine... it sucks."
We complained about our lives and demand more. This is where the danger lies. Buddha said that, "Desire is the cause for all your sickness and misery." We feel terrible about our lives not because it is terrible indeed; but because we do not feel that it is all enough. Greediness will suck our energy and exhaust us, a horror far mor terrifying than just addicted to texting.
We stop looking to our true environment, the physical world, where we can touch and feel real things. But the truth is, our reality, though full of flaws, are the most impeccable thing as it is real. We discovered our friend have their own problems too; mostly are not so different than ours. We see leaves in their true lemonade green; not in a colour that have been emphasized through Photoshop. People that we meet are as true as how they are when we meet them; not just our imagination of a person we know from the internet.
Behind its defects, reality has its own perfection. Me myself always feels happy for even simple things like the smell of the rain; to see sunrise above the river, on my balcony; to sit under a tree, while the breeze blows my hair; to feel the smoothness of my cheek after I washed my face. Life is beautiful if we know how to feel gratituous of; a thing we cannot experience if we keep our head behind the monitors and eyes set on the phone.
That is why, I fear nomophobia. I do not want to be trapped inside the world of binary codes and pixels. I want to live a real life: a live that is not faked, how imperfect it is. I am not changing myself into a robot, nor communicating with robots. I am a human, interacting with humans. I do not want to read "hahaha" nor "wkwkwk" nor even "LOL"; I want to hear it live, from your heart, spoken by your mouth and heard by both of my ears.
Indeed, I live in today's world. I have realized that not replying message is impolite and I am intended to change. But I will not let the obligation enslave me to become a robotic machine once again. I had missed many enjoyment of reality; I will not miss anything more. All I can say is I am keeping this nomophobophobia. Because truth is the ultimate pleasure that a man can ask; so I am not buying lies.
Nor living it.
