This is very personal, actually, intended for those whom I loved the most. But as I made my mistake in public, I will apologize in public also.
***
We human make mistakes. Sometimes, we do them consciously. But sometimes, we plain oblivious to its real consequences. We don't know who will be hurt for those experiments we have. And sometimes, unconsciously, we hurt those who loved us most.
I have done a great and terrible mistake. What makes it worser is that I do the thing consciously. What I didn't conscious about is the feeling of hurt that my closest ones did feel when they found it out. There, I have made a fool of myself.
Now I acknowledged, with amount of remorse that I surely can never express suitably, that I have strayed away from who I was. Unfortunately, it was not in a positive way that many people had hoped me to be. In a venture of exploring maturehood and challenging boundaries, I had broken my own limitations and obliviously leaving majestic ideals I had always been taught of. I lost my own morale compass in a pursuit of du jour dreams; I forgot my own virtue in a quest of contemporary reveries.
The implications didn't only hurt people around me, but also myself. To be honest, I am terrified of the amount of damage I have caused to their trust. Moreover I have no idea of whoever else might have hurt in its wide range of destruction. I couldn't even bear to imagine the consequences on myself.
This might not make amend for everything, but I have learned my lesson. Therefore, I apologize. This might never enough to those I have hurt and neglected their feelings; but I must tell them that that will never happen again. I will change myself. I will fix these broken mirrors on my face. I will collect the shattered crumbles on the floor and try to build whatever broken anew. I have learned, what you, my closest ones, have always aspired me to be; and sincerely I believe that your hopes are God's fate I must have faith in.
You have no idea how gratituous I am to have you guys to be a reminder of truest things I had faith in my life; for taking my wandering car back into its supposed lane. I have always known that I will come into this emergency stage of life; thank God, you are the ones who I'll go through the phase with.
I have to be honest that for now, the path seems long and weary to me. I will fall, I will suffer; but I have suffered, you have suffered, and if martyrdom is the only way to compensate the sufferings I have made, then I will take it. I will walk home, to my past, to my old ideals, to my God's given virtues; I am coming back home to myself.
Thank you, and I am sorry for everything.
***
I hope that this will redeem everything. Guys, aku minta maaf.
